Researchers agree that exiting the church significantly affects health and well-being. These losses negatively impact well-being and can create issues such as depression, anxiety, substance use, and suicidal ideation. Religious affiliation, primarily if one was raised with religious indoctrination, is intended to be strongly tied to one’s personhood, schemas, and worldview. Through the holy scriptures, the individual comes to make sense of the world, make sense of one’s sense of purpose and destiny, and make sense of life and death. When the individual begins to question these beliefs, it can feel like the individual’s entire foundation has dropped out, and nothing is definitively known. For this reason, several significant areas of loss are associated with religious deconstruction and church exiting.

1) Loss of the Divine
A secure attachment to a divine character can be a vital source of comfort, guidance, and life meaning. When an individual experiences cognitive dissonance, comfort and security in God are directly impacted. Questioning one’s attachment to a divine figure can be one of the most psychologically distressing aspects of deconstruction. The individual may feel abandoned by God or question God’s existence, may struggle to make sense of experiences in the past when he felt connected to God or may have interpreted situations as proof of God’s existence. This leads to a crisis of faith that can feel abrupt and blindsiding. Some exiters choose to retain their belief in a divine figure in what is called religious residue. They may not participate in the religious community but may still believe in some divine figure, continue to engage in religious practices, and have some religious beliefs.

2) Loss of Social Ties
Humans are social creatures and need strong attachment ties to their community and social structures to build a healthy view of self and others. Rejection after religious trauma is one of the most distressing aspects of exiting. The pain and sorrow of losing significant relationships lead to assumptions of guilt, assumptions of wrong doing, and shame for leaving the community. This leads to deep insecurity and feelings of loneliness and abandonment. Individuals who experienced higher levels of coercive control when affiliated with a religious community experience higher distress and poorer social adaptation after exiting. They often feel like outsiders in their previous community. They struggle with not having anyone to talk to about these problems and struggle to find a new community in which they feel welcomed and validated.
Psychological bullying behavior commonly used in high control groups is called shunning. It is a distancing response to anyone in the community experiencing doubt or showing behavior that the community interprets as sinful. It is a relationally punitive act based on scripture that demands faithful church affiliates to alienate and separate themselves from sinners. Shunning is an example of how coercive control is used within religious communities. The evangelical Christian community may not explicitly use the word shunning, but the actions reflect this principle.

3) Loss of Identity
Religion can be a source of meaning and purpose, social support, a coping resource, and social identity development. This is especially true if a child is raised within a religious framework. Religious exiting threatens a complete loss of identity security. Upon introducing new ideas and concepts, the cognitive dissonance experienced by religious affiliates can be a terrifying experience that shakes the core of personal identity. 
One study explored how religious identities and role exits impact well-being. The author found that some identities are more significant, with religious identity as a core identity for most people. How an individual reconstructs these identities and roles after exiting is an integral part of reconstructing self after exiting.

4) Loss of Certainty
Another primary loss experienced by exiters is the loss of certainty. Religious affiliation often means that individuals experience confidence in their interpretation of truth. It also means they have certainty about what happens after death and the consequences for right or wrong living. Another study found that this loss of certainty breeds an experience of constant fear about making wrong decisions in life and fearing the consequences of what may happen to them after death. Individuals with this continuous fear have reported trouble sleeping, physical illness associated with anxiety, and thoughts of suicide. 
Again, cognitive dissonance experiences in the religious community are caused by personally threatening stimuli such as intellectual and political disagreements or noticing differences between the words and actions of religious leaders and affiliates. The experience of cognitive dissonance causes psychological distress and the loss of previously held certainty. 
The loss of meaning characterizes the pain of exiting church affiliation. It leads to existential anxiety when previously held beliefs are no longer relevant, and the exiter must work to rebuild new life meaning and certainty in his life, even if religion is no longer a source of confidence. It is hard to define when an exit process starts and stops. The experience of cognitive dissonance can happen years before the individual decides to leave the church, which lends to a sense of ambivalence and uncertainty for the future. 

If you are struggling with religious losses, I can help. I will walk with you as you explore these losses and how you would like to reconstruct your life.